To A Child, LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E

I stumbled upon a video today which brought tears to my eyes... I have to give credits to the guys who did it... The story was of an old man who went to the attic to look for something but found something else instead... The old photo albums and a diary of his son. What happens next? You can watch the video yourself, here...

To a Child LOVE is Spelled T-I-M-E - Video - Beliefnet.com

There's a quote that they put together with the vid. It says:

"To the world you may be just one person... But to the one person, you might just be the world..."

Kadang-kadang sebagai ibu bapa, kita teramat sibuk bekerja sampai ada masanya kita terlupa satu perkara yang amat penting dalam kehidupan sebagai sebuah keluarga, iaitu bersama anak-anak. Nak kata kita tak sayang, tidak sama sekali. Kita amat menyayangi mereka. Oleh kerana kita teramat menyayangi merekalah maka kita bekerja kuat. Kita bekerja kuat kerana kita ingin menyediakan yang terbaik untuk anak-anak kita. Tetapi dalam pada kita ingin menyediakan yang terbaik untuk anak-anak, kita terlepas pandang akan betapa pentingnya juga untuk kita sebagai ibu bapa untuk meluangkan masa bersama anak-anak kita. Saya pun begitu... Tidak saya nafikan ada kalanya saya merasa amat kesal kerana kurang meluangkan masa bersama anak-anak. Meluangkan masa ini bukannya hanya dengan berada di rumah setiap masa, tetapi lebih kepada masa berkualiti untuk berinteraksi bersama anak-anak, bermain bergurau bercerita bersama. Itu yang saya maksudkan.

Kekesalan saya selalunya timbul ketika bersolat. Ketika memanjatkan kesyukuran kepada Yang Maha Esa atas segala kebahagiaan, keceriaan dan rezeki yang telah saya terima daripada-Nya. Ketika berdoa kepada-Nya, memohon kekuatan, semangat dan panduan dalam menjalani kehidupan sebagai ibu kepada 3 permata hati yang mana 2 daripada mereka adalah kanak-kanak autistik. Hati saya selalu tersentuh apabila mengenangkan betapa saya menyayangi mereka tetapi kadang-kadang 'terlupa' meluangkan masa bersama mereka. Hampir setiap masa, apabila berdoa bersendirian, air mata saya jatuh. Tidak tertanggung rasa beban hati ini. Teramat kesal kerana mereka dianugerahkan kepada saya dan suami oleh-Nya untuk dijaga dan disayangi, tetapi saya terkadang leka dalam memberikan mereka peluang dan masa untuk berkomunikasi dengan saya dan suami.

Asyraff dan Aimar adalah kanak-kanak amat penyayang. Begitu juga dengan Rose Aiesya. They're a bunch of happy children! :) Walaupun didiagnosis sebagai kanak-kanak autistik, Asyraff dan Aimar faham makna 'sayang', 'hug-hug', 'kiss-kiss'. Kadang kala mereka secara tiba-tiba tanpa diminta akan datang memeluk saya atau Papanya, dipeluk cium segala. Cuma saya terkadang perasan, saya membalas dengan hanya ala kadar kerana ingin mengejar masa. Masa untuk? Bekerja. Seperti yang saya katakan awal tadi, bukan bermakna saya tidak menyayangi mereka, tetapi fikiran saya berserabut dengan perkara-perkara lain menyebabkan saya jadi kurang prihatin dengan tindak balas spontan anak-anak. Malu saya apabila memikirkannya...

Untuk itu, sempena tahun baru ini (1433H dan 2012M), saya berazam untuk menjadi lebih attentive terhadap anak-anak... I want to be able to spend more time with my children even though I am a working mom. They said you can't have the best of two worlds. Well, true, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make the best of both worlds, yes?

Let us look at the video again. Then look at our child/children. Look at them in the FACE. You'll see the purity in them. The honesty in them. The always-forever-love-you-mommy/daddy in them... And try to make up for the time we've lost along the way, before it is too late...

Remember, to a child, LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E...

Love to all...
(And to my babies - Ryan Asyraff, Ryan Aimar and Rose Aiesya, and not forgetting to hubby as well.. :) )

Speech Impairment & My Two Little Sunshines

I came across an article recently on the effect of speech impairment to children if it is not treated before they start primary school. The title of the article was "Children with untreated speech problems 'do poorly at school'". It was published online by the www.theage.com.au just on Wednesday, 16 November 2011.

Here is the link:
http://www.theage.com.au/national/children-with-untreated-speech-problems-do-poorly-at-school-20111115-1nhfu.html

I was kind of sleppy and was thinking of switching off my notebook and head to bed when I saw the article. I was attracted to reading it further because I was just curious. The article has got me thinking... About the boys... What else do I need to do in addition to the therapy sessions that they are currently having? Am beginning to feel nervous about their future. Will they ever be able to socialise with other people? How will people perceive them? Will they grow out of their current state? :'(

Sadly, I don't know... Hubby and I, together with the therapies and specialists are still trying to find their special talents. So far, from our observation, Asyraff is more inclined towards music and puzzles. Aimar is more on sports and cars. What does that tell me? Other than the obvious, I don't really know...

Hmmm... We still have a lot to do, a lot to follow up, a lot to find out... Dear Allah, please help us...

Happy Birthday, Rose Aiesya!



Rose Aiesya at 50 days old.
Pic taken on the morning of New Year's Day 2010.



13 November... 2 years ago, on this date, at about 5:03 PM, I gave birth to a beautiful bouncy baby girl. We named her ROSE AIESYA. We named her beautifully as such because...

(1) We wanted her name to synchronise with her brothers -- 2 names, the first name to start with the letter 'R' from their father's (Raswanizam), and the middle name starts with the letter 'A' from mine (Alyssa).

(2) I love the flower, Rose. I love everything about the flower. The sweet musky scent. The features (pretty but be careful of the thorns!), the wonderful colours... Everything. Also, I read a baby names book and it said 'Rose' means 'a beautiful flower', and that is what I would like this little bundle of joy of ours to become... A beautiful person. Hubby also mentioned he liked the name 'Rose'.. :)

(3) Both hubby and I simply loved the name 'AIESYA'. Not because it was the name of one of the wives of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. We had a few other names, but somehow 'Aiesya' clicked well with 'Rose'. Hence the combination... 'Aiesya' also means 'alive and well'...

(4) 'R-O-S-E' as first name, to match with her brothers' first name, 'R-Y-A-N'. They both have 4 letters. (I will explain why we picked Ryan when the time comes...).

(5) The second name was spelled as 'AIESYA' because we would like it to have some links to her brothers' second name. 'AI-' from AIMAR, and 'SY' from ASYRAFF.

So, there you go... The reasons why we named our little princess 'Rose Aiesya'...


Rose at a family photoshoot. She was about 7 months old. (27/06/2010)

When I found out that I was pregnant in early 2009, I prayed really hard for the baby to be a girl. I really did... I wanted a girl because we already have a pair of twin boys, and so I thought a baby sister would be nice for them... :)

Well, we were only able to find out about the baby's sex until I was about 5-6 months pregnant. Even so, we were still in doubt... Why? Because whenever we went for shopping people would tell me that I was carrying a boy! Why did they say so? Because of the shape of my belly! Seriously, I was disappointed kadang-kadang whenever I heard them said so, because I really wanted a girl... There was one time while we were doing the routine scan, I asked my doctor if he's sure that the baby was going to be a girl, and he said (this was funny..) "Yes dear. No doubt about it. It's a burger! I don't see any hotdog in the middle!". He must have gotten fed-up with me asking him the same question during every visit.

At another time, he said, "The only 2 people that you can believe at this time are your hubby, and me. And trust me, you're having a girl."

Then he said, "May be you can bet with them. If they're right, you pay them. And if I am right, they pay you!" Hehehe... I dare not think what he must be thinking then...

We didn't prepare much then. I was still skeptical. When we shopped for baby's clothes, we sticked to white colour. Ya, I did buy some other colours but more often than not, we'd just picked white. Plus, we have kept some of the brothers' clothes when they were still babies, so that saved us a lot of money.

I was admitted to Pantai Medical Centre in Bangsar at noon on 13 November. In fact Dr. Raman had asked me during the routine check up the day before if we could do it in the evening. I told her I wasn't ready. I was expecting and hoping that I could have the baby the normal way, but unfortunately, I had to deliver the baby via c-section. I was already overdue by 10 days. The doctor was hesitant to induce the baby due to my previous history, so, pakai tingkap la lagi... While I was getting ready for the ops, my Mama called me. She apologised for not being able to be by my side. I cried... Hubby looked worried.

Just before 4:00 PM, they wheeled me to the prep room. I had the same team of doctors as when I was having my twins in 2006. Felt kind of relieved a bit, I know I was in good hands. Hubby came  bit later to join me. At 5:03 PM, I heard her...I cried. Hubby cried too I guess... Tears of happiness I supposed... I was relieved. I was ecstatic. I was overjoyed! It was a girl indeed... She was quite a big baby, weighted at 3.52kg at birth. Feisty and loud as well... She still is, today... :)

Our lovely Rose Aiesya is two today...

"To my darling Rose... Happy 2nd birthday, sweetie! Mama, Papa and abangs love you so, so, so much! You added colours to our lives, and you brought so much love and happiness into our family... May Allah bless you always..."

Hugs hugs OXOX

The many faces of Rose in 2011...



The Discovery...

I have promised in my previous post ("Autism... In My Family") that I will share my experiences we had with our twin boys who had been diagnosed with autism. In fact, I'll be more than happy to share. I don't see any point hiding or keeping them to myself anyway. I would love to hear from any parents who have dealt or are currently dealing with such issue with their child / children. I want to know... I want to learn... I want to help my children to be better...

Year 2009. The boys were almost 2 then. They were a pair of bubbly, cheerful, and active kids. Memang tidak pernah pun terlintas di dalam kepala bahawa the twins akan jadi seperti ini - menghidap  autisme. Never. Not a slightest idea. We've always visited their paedi regularly, as per the schedule required for vaccinations and routine check-ups since their birth. We never missed. Mereka pun tak pernah sakit teruk. Demam-deman biasa tu, ada lah. But they were never seriously ill.

One morning, I was at my OBGYN's office, waiting for my regular appointment. I was reading a magazine. Hubby was outside the office attending to calls on his mobile phone. As I was flipping through the pages, I came across an article on autism. A very short, one page article. If I remember it right, the title was "Autism and Its Symptoms". I was drawn to read it, I had no idea why. But I read it. ALL, word by word. My heart almost stopped. I had to read the article over and over again, just to be sure that I read it right. I waved to hubby, signalling him to come and sit next to me. He came, and I showed the article to him. I didn't say a word. He stared at it. (I supposed he was reading). Then he turned to me and looked me right in the eyes, and said, "Let's get them properly checked". I whispered, "I think they are", and nodded my head at the same time.

At the boys' next check-up, I asked the paedi if he was also of the same opinion about the boys. He didn't immediately say yes, nor was he denying it. He suggested that we bring the boys to see a child developmental specialist, Dr. Rajini, who was attached to another private hospital. He gave us a referral letter, but I left the letter in the drawer at home and only took it out months later.

Why did I do that, you asked? Firstly, it was not on purpose. I somehow left the letter in the drawer and had forgotten about it. When I did remember, both hubby and I were tight up with work. And when I did remember (again...), I had this chill down my spine thinking about all the possibilities of the diagnosis. That they might have it. Somehow one day in late October, I found the courage to call Dr. Rajini's office to fix an appointment. We met her in August 2010. By the time we met Dr. Rajini, we have already enrolled the boys into a kindy nearby our house. Now... Getting them to be accepted into a school (kindy) was another different story... I'll save that for next time.

So, back to our meeting with Dr. Rajini. She met the boys. She talked and played with them. Asked us all sorts of questions (which we didn't mind really, whatever that could help her to help us). After about one and a half hours with her, came the diagnosis. She confirmed that the boys within the austism spectrum disorder. Asyraff was diagnosed as 'moderate', and Aimar as 'mild'. Rasa nak tercabut nyawa. Bagi yang tidak mengalaminya mungkin tidak akan faham perasaan saya dan suami ketika itu. We were both speechless. I cried right in front of her. My worst nightmare came true, eventually...

She comforted us as best she could. She strongly recommended for the boys not to be institutionalised because their case were not severe. She gave a list of centres for us to explore to send the boys for their occupational and speech therapy. I was still crying. Then I asked her, "Are we too late?". She answered, "Let's not think about it - whether we're late or early or just in time. We just work towards getting them better..", and smiled. Well, her warm smile managed to calm me down a bit though... After finalising all the bills, we left Dr. Rajini's office with one aim in our minds - GET THEM BETTER... And since then we have never looked back. it. Until today. We are still working on it....

Salam AidilAdha (Happy Eid-ul Adha)

First and foremost, salam AidilAdha buat semua. Somehow AidilAdha this year feels slightly different than previous years for me. No idea why. The weather is different. The feel is different. Hampir every single aspects of my life rasa lain this year. I have been having this urge to wear hijab for months now. Well, not that I don't want to, but am scared. I'm scared because I don't know if I can live up to the expectation.

You see, to me, when one wears a hijab, full time that is, she has to be really sincere in wearing it. She has to be really sure about it. Personally to me, wearing a hijab is no funny matter. Saya sedia maklum bahawa memakai tudung /hijab adalah dituntut dalam Islam. Dan sebagai seorang 'convert' saya secara peribadi memandangkan serius tentang perkara ini. Memang saya teringin untuk bertudung tapi saya risau dengan pandangan orang terhadap saya. Dan saya risau... Saya risau niat saya itu, keinginan saya itu hanya sementara. Bagi saya, once you've decided to wear a hijab, it should be so until you 'pass' this life.

Many of my friends advised me to start with wearing a selendang (shawl) to work. I am happy that they are very positive about it. I like the idea. Tapi saya risau laa pulak, if I do that, people will say something else pulak! "Gaya Siti", they might say... *sigh* Kalau betul pun, salah ka? At least she wears one, no? Haaa... If I say that, I might 'invite' the comments from the so-called experts pulak later... Pening... Pening!

Anyway, putting the issue on hijab to the side for a while, other things that I would like to focus on more this year are: (1) My commitment to pray more;  (2) Concentrate as much as I can on the development of my children -- all the 3 of them!  (3) Find opportunities to start something on my own. Insyaallah, I hope to achieve these objectives as soon as possible...

Don't get me wrong though... I do love my job. I like what I'm doing now, the company I work at, the people I work with. They're all amazing people. I would love to stick around longer. But at the same time I have to think about my children, about their lives, their needs, especially my twin boys. I have to know and set what my priorities are. Climbing the corporate ladder is every woman's dream. In fact, I suppose it's everyone's dream... But there are times where we will have to make a choice -- to continue climbing the corporate ladder, or to focus on something else of equal importance. I am like that now. I am in that situation now. I am at that crossroad now... At times, I cry thinking about the choice I have to make. It is just so hard. The passion I have for my current work is so strong. But at the same time, my desire to work on my children's needs are also as strong.

A friend recently advised me to find something that I can do from home. She said that as parents, this is the time to spend as much time as we can with our kids -- see them grow right in front of our eyes, be their best friends, because she said, when they grow older, they'll need lesser of us... Her words struck me right in the heart... She has a valid point though... Time can never be turned back. When it is gone, it is gone... All we have after that are only memories... She's right. Absolutely right. Thank you, Salina W, for the reminder...   

I have very limited time now to make up my mind. Hubby gave me a year to decide. I will... I will decide. I will make the choice, and I shall pray to Allah to guide me through it...

To all Muslim friends and readers, salam AidilAdha from me. Happy Eid-ul Adha... To the non-Muslims, enjoy the long weekend! :)

Salam...

Autism is OKU (Handicapped/Disabled)?? Really??

I am feeling rather down today... So many issues are playing in my head. Ney mok pikir pasal skolah anak2, especially my twin boys. Ney mok mikir hal kerja gik...

Just last night, hubby mentioned to me about this school he went to check out during the day. He spoke to one of the teachers. He explained to them that my boys are autistic. They gave  a reason that most of their 'specialised' teachers are leaving. (I wonder why...). He went on telling me the whole conversation he had with the school about the boys. I was quiet. Not that I didn't hear what he said, but my heart was breaking inside. The sound of my heart breaking was louder than his words. I was speechless.

I am clueless as to how or where to send the boys for their primary education. We initially thought of enrolling them into a special class /education at a normal school. Problem is, I was told I need to get the boys registered as OKU (disabled/handicapped person) with the government first, then I can enroll them. I was like WHAT??? DISABLED??? They are not deaf, or mute, or cacat ka apa. Delayed in speech only! I cried when I heard that. They were only diagnosed autistic within the range moderately to mildly autistic. Not severely autistic. I would understand if they are severely affected but they are clearly NOT.

Since then, we've been scouting for various education institutions / schools to send them to. I just want them to able to grow like other children. I do not wish to institutionalise them, because I know it is not necessary. They can be guided. Thay can be helped. I need help. We... Need help. I am not ashamed to admit so. I love the boys. I love my children. They are... My HEART and SOUL. I live and die for them... 

I am clueless. As at this very moment, I don't know how or what to do next... I don't... :'(

Autism... In My Family (1)

I have been silent for quite a while now. Been really busy with work and matters of the  home. Have always wanted to jot down some of the updates and happenings around me but time clearly envy me… To catch a decent 40 winks is also hard some times. But I guess that is life, kan?

So, this time I wish to share about the one thing that has been in mine and hub's minds -- autism and our kids. Yes, autism. A.U.T.I.S.M. Cara nyebutnya, O-TEE-ZEM. Many of you may already know its meaning. Some may not. In fact, some of mine and hub's family members do not really understand what it is. When they hear the word 'autism', some have this picture in their minds -- the image of a mentally retarded person. Well, close, but not close and true enough.

Autism is a complex developmental disability that affects the way children communicate and relate to the world around them. (Chewahh… That's me trying to sound like an expert, when in fact it is just an excerpt I saw in one of the many books that I read! Haha..). I got that definition from a book "How to Help Your Autistic Spectrum Child", by Jackie Brealy and Beverly Davies. It is clearly shorter and much easier to understand compared to others that I have read.

Now… What is the deal with autism and my family? BIG deal. You see, both of my twin boys have been diagnosed with autism. Yes, my two wonderful charming princes -- Ryan Asyraff and Ryan Aimar -- are both autistic. Based on the scale the experts gave, Asyraff is moderate, Aimar is mild. So what, you may say… Well, to people who are not in the shoe of people like me who have a child or children diagnosed with autism, no big deal. But for people like me, parents who have a child or children diagnosed as one, BIG DEAL. Yes, it is. I will start by telling you the history of us and autism… NEXT… :) Stay tuned...

Actions vs. Words

"Actions speaks louder than words," they say... Well, very true indeed. It is proven, to me, again, for the gazillionth time today. Not that I don't believe the saying, I do! It's just that sometimes I choose to ignore it, especially when it involve some negativity, because I just hate negative feelings. Negative feelings pull me down, and I don't like being pulled down. But then again, sometimes you just can't get away from it. From having that bad feelings...

I am not naive, if that's what you're thinking.. No. I am NOT. It's just that sometimes I would rather choose (or at least try) to be nice to people, and not be judgemental. I do that because I would like for people to treat me like that too. But unfortunately, more often than not, people take me as being too nice, and that I can be easily taken for granted. Now, that crosses me! Being nice doesn't mean people can take us for granted. Being nice doesn't mean we are weak. No.

I have just discovered recently, that we can never trust no one. Sometimes people are just too 'kiasu'. You take them under your wings; but be careful, for you will never know that one day they can just change and stab you from behind. I just had that experience. I still couldn't believe that it happened. After all that I have done - the guidance I gave, the knowledge I shared, the skills I showed - I found out that later I had to put my guard up because things are not going as well as I thought it would be. That I can get burned if I go on do what I do - nurturing.

As a sister, I thought I was showing the way. As a mother, I thought I was sharing the experience. As a friend, I thought I was giving the right guide. I was wrong. I mean, I did the right thing but to the wrong crowd... How did I know about this? Well, the above phrase clearly states so. Plus, I have my trusted observers.

So, again, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Therefore, be careful. Be mindful. And on top of all, be bold... Because when things like this happen, it can cut you deep and the last thing you will want to do is fall down and crumble. You will need that BOLDNESS, all that STRENGTH you can get to get back up again and fight back!

May God bless us all... Ameen. :)

Hoping for A Better Day Tomorrow...

I bumped into this music video of Sami Yusuf while browsing Facebook today. The song title is "Asma Allah". It is a very nice, soothing song. It moved me. I had tears in my eyes while listening to it.

I have been feeling down lately. Not quite sure why, but it's there. I have no idea how it got into me but it's there. What frustrates me more is I don't seem to be able to overcome it. It has been almost a week. As far I can think of, things are good at home, or so I thought... My children are fine (except for my little darling Rose who has been under the weather since the last few days but I don't think it caused it). Hubby is doing OK, at least that's what I see. Our relationship is good, no major arguments. Office is also good, again, or so I thought... I have been doing some cleaning with my office files and folders since the feeling started. (I am like that. I have this obsession to cleaning things around me when I feel tensed or stressed out).

May be it is just temporary. I guess every now and then we will have such a feeling in us. I am just hoping that this 'down' feeling will go away soon... Today is Friday. I would like to enjoy my weekend with my loved ones peacefully, without having to carry this uncomfortable feeling around...

Anyway, to all of you who read this, I hope you will enjoy the song as much as I do. If you are a Muslim, the song is really meaningful, the lyrics are wonderful. Understand it. But if you are not a Muslim, well, there is nothing wrong about enjoying some good music, isn't it? The music video came with English subtitle, so it is easier to understand. I don't speak/read Arabic myself. So I usually rely on subtitles to help me to understand Arabic songs.

Anyway, have a great weekend... (And please pray that I will have one too!)

Lack of sleep a 'ticking time bomb' for health - Yahoo! Health

Read about this SLEEPING thing on Yahoo! Health and I hope you would benefit from it too... Just click on the title and you'll be forwarded to the webpage.

Enjoy reading! :)

It's Been A While...

It has been a long time since I visited this place. Geez.. It made me thinking why did I have one in the first place.. Well, my intention of having this blog was, firstly, to share whatever information I wish to share, really, whatever the topics may be.. Kids, health, personal, love, life, etc.

I'll try to be more active from now. (See the word? TRY? Yes, I will try, promise!) :)

So, here is the first topic I'd like to share for today. About SLEEPING. (Am lacking of it, I know for sure. Been having trouble sleeping lately). I got this on Yahoo! Health, and again, it made me thinking (yes, again)... I realised that after reading the article, I need to be really serious about looking after my health so that I can be strong and healthy and live longer and see my beautiful children grow up and have family and have children of their own and hug my grandchildren! Yes. I need to do that. InsyaAllah, with the determination and Allah's blessing, hubby and me would be able to do that... InsyaAllah and Ameen...

So, here is the article (see my next posting). Enjoy reading!